By David Adewusi
Between the awkward conversations and the fake laughter, first dates are usually filled with moments of nervousness, sandwiched by a few seconds of unfiltered honesty. It’s natural to develop frayed nerves when you meet your love interest for the first time, but if they don’t feel inclined to go out with you on a second date, there is a chance that you made a pretty bad first impression. It could be your outfit, your manner of talking, or more specifically, the topics you chose to talk about.
To be on the safe side and ultimately boost your chances of sitting opposite your crush at a dinner table in another couple of weeks, here are six things you should definitely not talk about on your first date:
- Politics:
For the love of God, please, please, and please, do not bring up politics on a first date. We understand that Nigeria has affected everyone, and discussing these problems is a sure conversation starter, but a quiet Friday evening where you’re getting to know someone for the first time just isn’t the right place for that. Your date wants to entertain discussions that pertain to your respective personality traits, they don’t want to hear about how the country is treating you. Worse is when you try to dwell on political theories; this isn’t a presidential debate. Avoid political subjects unless they bring it up themselves, and even when that happens, be sure to keep it as brief as possible.
- Your Ex-Lover(s):
This is a no-brainer. Don’t go on your first date whining about your ex, how great your last relationship was, or how horrible it turned out to be. If your date asks about your previous relationship, you can politely say you don’t want to talk about it, and while looking into their eyes, add that this date is about the both of you getting to know each other. How would you honestly feel if your date never stops talking about their ex(es) on the first date, or proceeds to give details on how the “breakfast” was “served”? Talking elaborately about an old flame means that you are still hung up on the past. It’s not a good look, and don’t be surprised if they never call you again.
- Your Finances:
Your first date is significantly different from a visa application where you have to prove the availability of funds. You really don’t have to divulge how much you make, or how little you have made this month. Discussions around money can get really uncomfortable, and it is best to avoid this on your first date. Even if you are Elon Musk’s account manager, there are other evenings to disclose that. You don’t want to be the subject of a group chat on WhatsApp where your poor choice of words is being discussed at length.
- Your Religious Beliefs:
Just as with politics, discussions surrounding religion can quickly get heated. The best way to avoid this is to avoid the conversation altogether. While your date might be interested in who or what you believe in, it is important that you resist the urge to discuss your beliefs. Naturally, this means you shouldn’t try to change their beliefs on certain subjects, and for Pete’s sake, don’t try to lead them to salvation; a candle-lit dinner is the worst time to attempt evangelism, and they might delete your number before they get into the Uber heading home.
- Your Sexual Prowess:
No, really, don’t.
No one has to know that you are another incarnation of Johnny Sins. Sex is a private and sensitive topic, and should probably come up in future hangouts when you are both comfortable enough with each other. Don’t talk about your past sexual experiences, your fantasies, your fetishes, or your body count; for a first date, it could be a tad repulsive.
- Marriage:
Yes, jokes about first date questions abound on social media, but why would you even want to broach the subject of matrimony on the first date? Do you want to scare them away?
Marriage is a huge commitment, and talking about it on your first date is nothing more than a huge turn-off; it’s quite creepy. Your date should feel comfortable around you first, and then that line of conversation can come by the third, fourth or seventh date.
Beyond all these conversational minefields, you must remember that your first date isn’t all about you. Know when to stop talking. Know when to be respectful. Know the right time to ask questions. You could even use silence to your own advantage — it doesn’t have to be awkward all the time. Listen. Observe. Before you know it, you would be in full control of the conversation and where it leads.
Good luck!
Dave, this is so insightful.
Bless up, man!