By Fatiat Saliu
When I pitched the idea of a Naija-centric sex playlist to my editor, I expected some pushback: he’s a millennial, and you know that many Nigerian millennials have a tendency to be conservative. (I’d have added his age, but there’s a chance that I would be treated to an earful.) So, imagine my surprise when my editor gave me the go-ahead and even suggested some songs for the playlist.
For people who watch the series The Bold Type, this article is of the Jane Sloan variety, only that I didn’t get the opportunity to “test the products”.
A few years ago, one of my writer friends named Priye posted a series of updates on his WhatsApp status, wherein he shared some tips on how to pleasure a woman during sex. There were a couple of notes he shared that I still can’t get out of my head. According to him, when one of your senses – sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste – is shut out, sexual pleasure is heightened. I didn’t take it seriously, until recently when I did some research and I found out that it’s actually a proven scientific phenomenon. When you lose any of your senses, the rest sharpens to make you quickly adapt to the new situation.
It’s common knowledge that when we listen to songs that we think are really good, we experience miniature orgasms. Now, imagine that you are listening to orgasmic music while literally having an orgasm. An orgasm inside of an orgasm? Like, the Inception of orgasms? To quote Omah Lay, damn, damn, damn!
So, we’ve curated a playlist especially for you to “test out” this new knowledge. To thoroughly enjoy this, we recommend using earbuds, headphones, or a Bluetooth speaker, if you are hesitant to let go of that much control, or you are scared that your neighbours will hear you. Use earbuds, though. Seriously.
- Ocean – Odunsi The Engine & Nonso Amadi
Drawn from War, the collaborative 4-track EP released by Odunsi The Engine and Nonso Amadi in 2017, this is such a chill song, which is why it’s the perfect song to ease you into the mood. The sexual innuendos are subtle and 75% of the time, the vocal pitch of both artistes is down to a whisper, which increases the sexual tension in the room. The hook delivered by Odunsi runs along the lines of “I wanna drown in the ocean”. Take that to mean your partner is anxious to drown in your ocean, so honey, let them.
- Tonongo– Lojay & Sarz
The lead single from their collaborative EP Lv N Attn, “Tonongo” is a statement of lustful intent from the fast-rising Lojay and Sarz “the bad producer”. The drums blend nicely with Lojay’s soft Alto, painting images of a lady scantily clad in lingerie dancing seductively in a room dimly lit in red. While your partner is discovering your erogenous zones and exploring your crevices, let Lojay’s caramel voice soothe you and let Sarz’s production make sweet explosive love to you.
3. Tattoo– Fireboy DML
This song is as explicit as it gets, and Fireboy’s penmanship works to panty-wetting effect. The lyrics are direct, and there’s no ambiguity as to what intentions lie in store. While your partner lays claim to your body, let their hands and genitalia brand you like a tattoo. You can see the raw desire in their eyes, and in situations like this, let fingers rather than lips do the talking.
4. Panty!– Lojay & Sarz
“Baby commando, fire the missile”.
Sexual innuendos are rife in this playlist. We know. That’s why we chose it. It’s also quite literal. Lojay clearly prefers to see his love interest in less fabric, and the tone of his falsetto makes that pretty obvious. We expect that you both would have “moved past this phase” in flinging your defences down the floor with your clothes, but if you haven’t, you can take advantage of this opportunity to lip-sync to Lojay as you compliment them on the state of their body.
- Lemonade – Ria Sean
While reading the instructions below, you’d find that we suggested using fruits to engage the sense of taste. You can also use wine or juices. There’s this popular game played at semi-nudist clubs, where you suck alcohol out of someone’s belly button and use a slice of lemon to cool your tongue. You can absolutely try that. It’s no coincidence that Ria Sean’s “Lemonade” is in this playlist: digest the lyrics and thank us later.
- Sweet One– Wizkid
Whoever described Wizkid’s Made In Lagos album as “wine, sex and vibes” wasn’t far from the truth. The beginning of the song touches on consent, albeit briefly: be sure you can confidently prove that “she tell me say” before you proceed. Whenever you decide to use this playlist, let “I be needing your loving, opor” refer to sexual loving. It’s for your own good.
- Rough Up – Olamide ( ft. Layydoe)
If you are curious enough to try out the BDSM kinks, this is the perfect song for you. The tempo, the vibe, and the patois fit your wild fantasies perfectly! The lyrics of this tune will assist in communicating the things you want to do to your partner, if you are the shy type. Olamide croons his desire to “rough up the pumpum”, and you get the urge to subtly roar at your partner. It rings like a come-get-this-if-you-are-bold-enough gesture. If you know, you know.
- Mighty Wine– Wizkid
One of the sleeper hits off Made In Lagos, this song suggests a transition from fast-paced to slow, urgent, breathy thrusts. Where Wizkid croons in the lines of “the things you dey do with yourself, e dey burst my mind”, he’s advocating for self-pleasuring, which you should fully embrace if you want your sex life to be more exciting than that of the protagonist in the Sex/Life series. P2J’s brilliant production on the track creates an atmosphere that accentuates the lust, and if you are not going down on your partner when you hear “e get the way you dey do me”, then what are you doing? Love him or hate him, Wizkid surely knows how to stir up the mood.
- Fancy– Amaarae
If you are familiar with Amaarae’s music, you already know that her songs are predominantly about sex, so choosing this out of myriad options was hard. Not a lot of explanation is needed for this track, it just fits.
- Ye Ye Ye– Omah Lay
Easily the most explicit track off his debut EP Get Layd, “Ye Ye Ye” has a pretty self-explanatory title. Omah Lay has mastered the art of saying the lewdest things in the most melodic ways, and this song is a perfect illustration of that. He describes what he wants to do to you, and it sounds a tad nasty, but it makes you want it even more: which lady doesn’t want to be eaten out with finesse and dedication? Everyone wants to hear their partner moan while skin gently brushes skin and thighs collide, and the keyboards could be a perfect accompaniment for that big “O”.
- 37 Times– Temmie Ovwasa
This song, which samples Zayn Malik’s “Pillow Talk”, is ironically anti-climactic. It basically says, “I’ve made you cum. Oya, come and be going to your house”. This is effective for purely sexual relationships. You can’t think of cuddling when there are no real emotions involved: The streets don’t allow for catching feelings! If you did the noh-noh with your romantic partner though, share a laugh and ease up. We assumed that “37 times” is enough orgasm for one night (or day, as the case may be). If you haven’t though, please repeat the playlist until you do. You deserve premium enjoyment beneath the sheets, and you should get it.
So, because we care about your love (or lust) life, here are a few suggestions to accompany the playlist. No, you don’t have to thank us, we’re just doing the Lord’s work.
- Do this with someone you are absolutely comfortable with. It’s easier to let go of your inhibitions and let down your guard when you feel safe. Incorporate concepts that enhance safety, such as “safe words”. Make sure you noh-noh in a familiar space with “homely” bedsheets.
- Consent is 100% important. Employ reassuring gestures. If they can hear you, continuously tell them that it’s alright.
- Relax. This might be especially hard for people who like to know what’s going on around at all times, but it’s an adventure, and what are adventures if you do not let loose?
- Remember that the more senses are shut out, the higher the sexual pleasure. You can use blindfolds, or turn off the lights and use candles instead. You can also ask your partner to tie up your hands.
“Ah. This is BDSM o.”
Seriously though, if you are not comfortable with it, don’t do it.
To engage your sense of smell, you can use sweet-scenting candles. It takes the erotic vibe from 0 to 100. For taste, you can cut up fruits into smaller bits and feed them to your partner while, you know, stuff is happening.
5. Don’t shuffle the playlist. It’s a grave insult to the playlist curators. If you don’t want thunder to strike you and your boo, leave it as is.
So, there you have it, music while you “work”. Enjoy your weekend, lovelies. Make sure to leave feedback after you’ve tried out these nuggets with the appropriate music to boot: you can drop comments anonymously, don’t worry, your secrets are safe with us.
In the meantime, we’ve helped you curate this playlist in question on Apple Music and Spotify. Feel free to get lost in the sound while doing the fiki-faka. You’re welcome, again.
Wahala for who don nut before the end of the first song. Na to just relax dey nod along to the rest of the playlist
Hahahahaahahah. No be lie
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