For online dating scam victims, the urge to venture into the world looking for love may no longer exist. After getting conned, they may view every other relationship as a potential scam, even with family and close friends.
By Michael Akuchie
The act of finding love has transformed over the years, thanks to innovations like the internet, which has introduced people to online dating services. Rather than investing time and money in a physical date, you can simply connect with someone via an online dating app and start building a romantic relationship.
This approach is more convenient, as it saves the time and expense of arranging an in-person meeting with someone who may live far away.
Online dating also allows you to connect with multiple potential partners, thereby increasing your chances of finding the perfect match. Notably, the sting of rejection in an online relationship is often less intense, as you may not have met the person in real life.
In a face-to-face setting, you’re more likely to remember the person who publicly turned you down; with online dating, however, it’s often easier to forget a username and move on. While being turned down is a minor setback, it pales in comparison to the risk of being deceived by a scammer posing as a potential partner. Online dating scams have become more common, with victims increasingly suffering both financial and emotional losses.
Findings from a survey made available by Statista show that 53% of male respondents claimed that they had been victims of online dating scams. For the female demographic, 47% of respondents said that they had been conned by a fellow online dating service user.
Last year, UK Finance, a trade association for the region’s banking and financial services sector, said that a survey conducted on some online dating service users produced some stunning revelations.
One of the insights was that two in every group of five persons were asked by someone they had met online to send money. Moreover, 57% of those who were asked for money revealed that they sent it. The money sent ranged from £100 to £1,000, with a few victims sending over £1,000 in some instances.
A major reason people turn to online dating is due to feelings of loneliness and the desire for companionship, whether physical or virtual. Loneliness is a state of mind that nearly everyone has experienced at some point. For context, a Meta-Gallup survey indicated that almost one in every four people is lonely.
This puts the number at nearly a billion lonely people—around a quarter of the world’s population. While loneliness may come and go for some, for many, especially those with traumatic histories, it is not a temporary feeling. It’s no surprise, then, that some see online dating as a way to fill that void.
Upon discovering that you have been scammed by an online dating romantic interest, it’s natural to feel upset about the money lost, but this frustration can quickly turn into emotional distress and anxiety. If multiple partners have scammed you, the likelihood of experiencing prolonged trauma is even greater.
After coming to terms with having been deceived into repeatedly sending money, a surge of self-doubt may arise. These negative feelings can even lead individuals to take dangerous actions.
Last December, a 74-year-old man who lived in Tennessee, USA, died by committing suicide after being scammed out of over $87,000. In 2021, Chris Leeds, a Welshman, killed himself after being involved in a romance scam that saw him send money on multiple occasions.
For many victims, the shock of being deceived after believing that they had finally found love can last for years. What’s more, it can even make victims feel like they are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, the same condition war veterans experience after being deployed to a far region.
Symptoms can include nightmares and a constant stream of intrusive thoughts that surface even when the victim is focused on something entirely unrelated.
For online dating scam victims, the urge to venture into the world looking for love may no longer exist. After getting conned, they may view every other relationship as a potential scam, even with family and close friends. In April, Lyn, an English citizen, shared that after being scammed out of £50,000, it would be an eternal struggle for her to trust anybody again.
This mindset can also impact self-esteem, leading victims to believe they are unworthy of love. As a result, they may reject any opportunity for a genuine relationship, potentially missing out on real connection.
For victims of online dating scams, recovery is essential to their well-being, as a timely response can help them return to normal life and, in some cases, prevent a tragic outcome. A good starting point is attending cognitive-behavioural therapy sessions.
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapeutic approach used to address various mental health conditions, including depression, addictions, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It involves techniques such as recording one’s thoughts, practising relaxation exercises, and learning effective problem-solving strategies.
Another step towards recovery is setting healthy boundaries in every relationship, particularly in online interactions. Avoid giving in to requests for money just days or weeks into a relationship. It’s wise to ask the person you’re chatting with to join a video call so you can verify their appearance.
Ensure the face on the video matches their profile image, and avoid sharing personal information too quickly. Verify any details they share to confirm authenticity.
Although it may take time, connecting with others after being deceived by a scammer can be incredibly beneficial. Being in the company of people who have experienced the same crime can help validate your feelings and foster a strong sense of community.
If support groups aren’t available in your area, consider starting one to offer care and support to yourself and others affected by romance scams in your neighbourhood.
Scammers are highly skilled individuals who have mastered the art of luring targets into their web of deceit. While online dating scams are increasingly common, phishing attacks and robocalls are two other types of cyberattacks that people can easily fall victim to.
Thanks to AI-driven technology, such as deepfakes and synthetic media like photos, spotting these scams has become more difficult than ever. For victims, it may feel like the end of the world. That’s why it’s crucial for them to seek help through the avenues mentioned earlier. Employing these strategies can help them regain control of their lives while developing a heightened sense of vigilance moving forward.
Michael Akuchie is a tech journalist with five years of experience covering cybersecurity, AI, automotive trends, and startups. He reads human-angle stories in his spare time. He’s on X (fka Twitter) as @Michael_Akuchie & michael_akuchie on Instagram.
Cover photo credit: MyDataRemoval